Many things have happened lately. They are the things that are happening in the family, troubles that are fumbling my steps forward, and the great emotional impact caused by my incapability and incompetency. The feelings are indeed hurting. Fortunate enough, I am still a freeman, without ''somebody'' beside me which allows me to concentrate on my shortcomings. I am too weak to take care of the extra worries. I have changed anyway. Even though the likelihood of experiencing adversities does not change, but I believe I am taking small steps to leave the negativity.
I always thought that I was at the receiving end of many misfortunes. Today, while I was busy holding grudges against the so ''mechanical'' management. I swore, cursed and badmouthed about it from the dawn until late evening. These actions were so childish, and unthoughtful. I hated myself. I should be stronger! Too much of stupidity, I dialed the first person in my phone's scarce contacts. I dialed once, twice and trice...nobody seemed to picked up my call. Subsequently, I had a deep feelings that the World was turning its back at me, I was not upset by this, instead my anger grew stronger. Perhaps hatred or jealousy was the more suitable term to give you a clearer picture.
While I gave my final attempt to get myself connected to the other end(I say so because I am very lonely most of the time), a familiar yet nostalgic voice answered my ''Hello.'' As I was getting colder and more distant with a sense of anxiousness, the voice instilled warmth to my stiff and darken heart. Tears almost welled up my eyes. Despite this, I heard from the other side that unhappiness was spreading like cancer cells over there. The cells were duplicating itself uncontrollably affecting from a just small spot to a wider area and killing the host eventually. I had a heart-brake when I received the news........
The news had coloured my feelings, I felt myself so foolish and unthoughful about how I complained, hated and hurt others. I was never a good son, brother, friend and student. A loser, I would say about me.
I really hoped everything would stay the same as it was, when we were sitting side my side with everyone important to me having each other accompanied, enjoying the brisk breeze while walking on the grass field so slowly and relaxing, watching the colourful flowers that colonized the lower slope and feeling our long lost heartbeats......... I love you all.
