Emptiness

I've nowhere to speak to all the times.
I know at the end of the day, family is the only person really cares about me.
But what if they dont understand you when you tell them?
They will just accept your problem as kid fight and child story which are unimportant.
It makes me extremely sad when they deny me in the way they response to my agony.
This has been happening since many years ago....since I was in Kindergarten time.
Never a time they realize the great loneliness hidden behind my smile and immaturity.
I speak to myself, cry alone, settle something in fear and face many challenges and problems myself.
I dont need anything other than some comforting and calming words.
I just want you to say, I'm great, you're happy to have me around and you will be there whenever I need someone. That's all, show some verbal appreciation about my existence in this lonely world.
Although I know myself clearly that, they will do anything to protect me when danger strikes.
There's no need for them to make make it clear and plain.
I should have figured it out myself. I should know this myself.
I do know this..but I need some support from time to time.
I need acknowledge, respect, understanding and acceptance from my family.
You are all I have, you are all I need.
You are the source of my energy for survival as well.
But, why never a time my family never think that:
-I'm good when I'm the top scholar in the school? (I'm not acknowledged at all when they compared me with students with the lowest mark., but Ive already scored the highest mark for the whole batch of students?)
-I'm human being as well who needs someone to listen to me.(I feel like irrespected when eeverything big or small happenings are out of my realization. I'm not informed about anything.Why when I inform you my feelings, actions, problems and achievements, you make me feeling that Im not part of this home, for Im denied in all ways.)
-I love my family so much, I voice out my candid statement all the times. I never lie to them. Im honest to myself and them. But, they reject everything from me. I can be the 100% good son in others' family but in this house I feel like I am and have nothing. It's blank in my heart, I need some power from my family to revitalize myself. They say Im bad anyway. Isnt this hurting? The kids in the neighborhood skip class, lie and steal. I'm more than ordinary good person I believe. But my parents like them more than me. My family is not defending me when I am scolded and hurted by strangers for no reason at all. Im at the receiving end, I m the victim, I suffer it but I get the blame, they never trust me. They choose to believe anyone other than his own son, despite they know people are making up the story. They still distrust me anyway.
-I try to understand everyone's feeling, nobody WANT to atleast enter my heart to listen to my feeling although to door is wide opened for them. I explore your world, but your door is completely closed and sealed. See you never want me to enter your world and you resist in entering my world as well.
I think Im dying day by day.....Im losing my purpose of living day by day.

How do I react to this? I look for more friends. Soon, I've many friends.
Yet, they are not my true friends, I always've my perception wrong about them.
They are actually the businessman who trade for benefits.
So, I trade with them, asking them to listen to my hurtful story in returns.
I entertain this kind of businessman because they are the source fake hope for me to live.
I dont have a real hope to live for, I can only rely on the fake one in a pathetic way to gain the fake positive energy to go on my journey.

After everything,
It's a sad case when you finally accept the truth that you're nothing but crap.
I'm accepting it after years of proving I'm more than just a piece crap.
Yes, I am now.