Traumatized

Basically, I just eat and sleep. 
I have no idea what I am supposed to do. I feel so lost and aimless.

With so many things waiting me to handle, I'd rather to waste my time procrastinating.

This is bad because I'm avoiding problems.

I'm scared...

Put it down

Time goes by.
No time to cry.
Life's you and I.
Alive, today.

God, I'm being weak.

Guide me.

Diary of April, 2012.

24th April, 2012

- It has come to a new chapter of life. This time, I'm doing some alterations to it. My family and I have fingers crossed that the changes will bring some positive outcomes. We are not always given a second chance in our lifetime to try something out. 

- The clock is ticking, indicating the time is ticking away second by second. Inside of us, we all have a biological clock that controls us. Thanks to this biological clock, we develop into a mass of cells from zygote, then become a newborn baby. We then grow up from kid to teenager. Eventually, we age and die and leave no sign of our existence to the next generation. 

- I have this intention to start a very memorable story of my own. It will highlight my day with laughter and become meaningful remembrance when I'm aged decades later. So, I will experiment about it in this new stage of life. 

25th April, 2012

- When there is a girl causes your heart pounding fast, I can tell that you are afraid of her. Scared.

26th April, 2012
- The time is up! You don't have time to laze around. Focus on what you should do before it is too late. History will happen all over again when you forget about the lesson it brings. Make yourself clear that, it won't be easy to get through it for the second time.
- All this time you have been searching for a reason. You think you deserve a reason. No, you don't deserve it, and you probably won't get one either.

27th April, 2012
- Seriously, time management is everything.
- To get started, it is to start all over. I feel exhausted. I am tired...owned...doomed!

- Be strong, there will always be a way. By keep walking on the journey, you will find the exit eventually. For now, you find the journey cold and miserable, somehow you will reach the desired destination someday. When you leave the darkness, there will be warm sun, white cloud, blue sky, green field and chill wind welcoming you. Endure the pain!  

28th April, 2012

- Taking steps to get paranoia killed. :-)

29th April, 2012

- I think I will lose the fight. I cant find back the fighting spirit I used to have.

- I really have changed...in a negative way.

Haha-ism Part II

My friends always remind me that I'm a bad storyteller. I leave the story hanging all the time.

Memories about THIS Barbarian.

      I just realize that I need to record down every single moment of life in somewhere. I dont keep a diary, so the place where I write can be on almost anywhere(if it sounds crazy to you..)and of course blogger is always a right place for me. It is widely known that I have this habit of expressing my dissatisfaction about anything on Blogger as well as Facebook. Today, when I read back my old posts I find lots of interesting pieces of me which I hardly know about-I was(and am still) stupid and hot-tempered. Well, realizing this doesn't mean that I will be better or try to be someone who is not me, but I will make sure that I deal with this problem seriously this time. Perhaps I need much more control in this matter. I don't really wanna throw temper tantrum constantly like I did because I know it is harmful. I experienced it once! No, I mean way more than just once. One of my experience was truly horrible and it is still haunting me day and night. I did not know what happened that day when everything was seen fine(I thought it was..), so I went in the room upstairs and tried to had this official stuffs done. I could sense that something was apparently not right, but I didn't care much about the tensed atmosphere(because this was how I usually dealed with stuffs-careless). I was too inexperienced and naive, thinking that only stupid would keep silent for this long, so I spoke out instead. Sarcastically, with his line drawn so unclearly, I was SO unaware of going beyond his line IN his so called territory. Here's where the exciting part of the story begins, he, from then on, kept an evil eye on me. He tried to make things difficult with his well-educated servants back him up. As I was so easily ticked off, I started to behaved like a barbarian again who came undone right away......TO KEEP THE STORY SHORT....That particular man was not much better than me actually. He, himself was a time-bomb. Once exploding the whole world would fall apart. I should have handled him more carefully if I was sane enough to know this earlier. But, naively, I triggered the time-bomb and it exploded right in front of me. That explosion was disastrous. I was lucky that I was not blown into pieces. I survived it and the side effect of this incident is still haunting my life. To be more precisely, I'm so dreaded with the memories that this incident has caused. Now, although I'm moving on and trying hard to live my life however, for each and every single step I take, I will have to take a serious look before I leap. I don't expect to step on another landmine after I survived one. After all these years, I am still in my effort to cast away this terrible past. I'm getting better now. I don't do this anymore when I step out of my room-my safe zone. Deep down in my heart , I'm still mean and wild and my body doesn't always listen to my command..........

Mouthful of Diamonds

Life is already good enough. All this time I was thinking that life could be better.

Something, only heaven knows

Maybe my love will come back someday, only heaven knows.

And maybe our hearts will find a way,  but only heaven knows.

All I can do is hope & pray 'coz heaven knows.

Over-reacted

I'm a good person who likes to express my anger in writing.

Any readers, by any chance, pass by my blog, please don't be offended by my posts.

They may sound harsh and mean to you, but you won't be able to find another person who write things like I do. 
 So, love me.......

Humility can be egoism. There is no contradiction.

I've been called by the folks as ''Solo King'' for some time. I'm happy to OWN this title.

    

To certain people, the title is a plain indication of loneliness. They are just green in envy, for they will never know how proud I am for owning the title. It is a long-waited achievement and a great sign of unpredictable potential in me. Imagine yourself can work out and survive alone with the endless amount of daunting tasks, that are supposed to be shared and completed with months and months of carefully planned group work? How amazingly wonderful when you realize that you are now ALREADY on a par with those whom you used to admire for their incredible ability in solving tasks. 

     

I am sane, I am proud and I think I'm appropriate for saying this loud and clear, that I am apparently so much better than others. You don't get the right to judge me. I know who I am and I am what I am. This is my ego.

Read between the lines. I have life. I love mine.

     I need privacy and some time for myself. Your stupid rule is too much for me. I never went against the idea of setting rule because I found rule healthy and to a certain point, it's meaningful. The one you are introducing is plain idiotically blind. Are you sure you want me to follow such blind rule in a blind way? I have my view of life, I'm extraordinary hygienic and I'm good. I don't need such rules to restrict my freedom. You are smaller than me, learn to respect others opinion, you son of a B*****!

     I have been very good for quite a while. Can't you seriously just be nice for a second. World will be peaceful, with no tear and blood without you.