I did not want to click the playlist. I never forgot about its existence since that difficult period. It was always in my mind. In fact, it has been etched in my heart since then...
Today, I listened back to James Ingram. It was still the best music. Sweet melody with meaningful lyrics perfectly matched with his powerful voice and strong emotions. What saddened me was the memories that the songs brought back... I really hated this, I did not want to visualize those heart-broken moments again. I disliked going through the slides of bitter remembrance projected all over again in my brain. It was cruel!
It has been about 6 months since that final day. I never thought I would survive it. Never even expected I could have survived this long and been recovering over time. Yeah, I have been trying. Trying so hard to grasp for air. I refused to let it go, as I wanted to persist, keep standing up, and live with it.
The songs were still playing softly in my brain. The melody did not go away, instead, it slipped through my arteries and flowed in my blood. This was the last thing I ever wanted to happen. Still, it happened anyway. Maybe life wanted to teach me to take my agony face to face and deal with it
like a real man. Have it killed once and for all! What if I did not make it?
Although unsure of how far this thinking might bring me to, but I always kept in my mind, that no matter how harsh my situations have gotten, with faith, I know I would face life with courage and one day, I would start life afresh. A life that would be happy and free from all sorts of harm and hazard.
Right now, I am just feeling so bad. The pain is so strong that I can feel it is corroding my heart. I
hate it, I do not like it. I feel like crying so much. Somebody please
save me from this cold and hopeless dungeon of pain and helplessness.
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