Intensity

How I hope if I were someone else. I hate this feeling of admiring others. They have what I want, what I have been chasing for so long. It gets worse when jealousy starts to raise. I always wonder, should I stop looking up to others. Might it as well cut off the source of motivation? What if I become stagnant? How do I mange myself after this? Should I start a new way of doing things, set new objectives or just sit tight and learn to accept myself? 

I have been questioning myself over and over again, what am I really aiming for this entire time? Am I not reaching my goals? The answer is YES! I have been knocking out every challenge that was in my way. I stepped out of my comfort zone, putting myself deep in uncomfortable situations. I tried to be efficient, and improving in every passing second. Why am I dissatisfied then? Am I trying too hard to reach other unrealistic goals that seem to be so impossible that they gradually change my perception and passion of life? Where is the old me who viewed life with contention and enthusiasm? 

GOSH, I think I am totally burnout...

I do not know when would I be able to make myself-the passionate guy back. Or I never would return to the person I used to be.. Maybe not anymore...

I should quit bottling up my rage and releasing it at others. For the record, I am giving up on many of my dreams.