Adversity

I dont want to accept failure, even though it is a part of life.
Once it is accepted, it will become a part of me.

I believe fear, loneliness and emptiness are the three scariest things on Earth.

See? This is me.

Almost killed myself with the insect repellent mistakenly thought was the hair spray.

My Pathetic Wish

Now I have clearly seen who is trustworthy and who is wicked and evil.....

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That day, after months of not meeting each other in the campus, an international student spoke with me.

She told me that I had changed so much, that I was no longer the person I was.

She said that, few months ago, I was so ambitious and excited about my future.

There was nothing could demotivate me from moving forward.

I was so passionate about what I was doing!

My heart broke into pieces when she even said that with her facial expression like seeing a ghost.

For God sake, please do not do that to me again. I only have one heart to take such attack.

I suppressed my feeling, with my smile still on my lips but walked away quietly.

She called me, but all I heard was nothing but noise.

I knew everything about me had changed dramatically.

Physically, I was no longer looking like a 16. Instead I looked like a 24 year-old now! LMAO?

Funnily, 16 was my age in the eyes of the people earlier.

I was much older than 16, but not as old as 24...

Emotionally, I did not feel the excitement in my life anymore.

All I thought was, being healthy and safe, atleast not in pain,

and let life slipped away as it always did was already cool enough.

I had had enough of troubles lately. So sick of taking them endlessly.

Lost! I knew I had lost my direction. No more ambition, no longer being so badass.

Mentally, I just felt so tired.

I did not want to think. In fact, I couldn't, I was so distracted by the happenings...

All I knew was that, thinking or fighting was meaningless,

what for to struggle if being a loser was preordained?

I walked away, not because I pissed at her. No.

I was just fed up on kept pretending that I was the same me, when I obviously did not look like...

I bet this was what she wanted to end our conversation with that day -
''Your perception about life turned one hundred and eighty degrees in just few months''.

But I never let her did it anyway, I was just too busy to try to find an escape.

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Right now, I just need one friend, sitting down and listening to my problem.

Can you be the one...doing it just once...for me?

Risk Taker

Going to school unprepared on Monday is like having unprotected sex with strangers.

Listening to 90's songs, bringing back to old memories.
Looking at myself now, seeing no future.

Feeling so empty.