My Pathetic Wish

Now I have clearly seen who is trustworthy and who is wicked and evil.....

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That day, after months of not meeting each other in the campus, an international student spoke with me.

She told me that I had changed so much, that I was no longer the person I was.

She said that, few months ago, I was so ambitious and excited about my future.

There was nothing could demotivate me from moving forward.

I was so passionate about what I was doing!

My heart broke into pieces when she even said that with her facial expression like seeing a ghost.

For God sake, please do not do that to me again. I only have one heart to take such attack.

I suppressed my feeling, with my smile still on my lips but walked away quietly.

She called me, but all I heard was nothing but noise.

I knew everything about me had changed dramatically.

Physically, I was no longer looking like a 16. Instead I looked like a 24 year-old now! LMAO?

Funnily, 16 was my age in the eyes of the people earlier.

I was much older than 16, but not as old as 24...

Emotionally, I did not feel the excitement in my life anymore.

All I thought was, being healthy and safe, atleast not in pain,

and let life slipped away as it always did was already cool enough.

I had had enough of troubles lately. So sick of taking them endlessly.

Lost! I knew I had lost my direction. No more ambition, no longer being so badass.

Mentally, I just felt so tired.

I did not want to think. In fact, I couldn't, I was so distracted by the happenings...

All I knew was that, thinking or fighting was meaningless,

what for to struggle if being a loser was preordained?

I walked away, not because I pissed at her. No.

I was just fed up on kept pretending that I was the same me, when I obviously did not look like...

I bet this was what she wanted to end our conversation with that day -
''Your perception about life turned one hundred and eighty degrees in just few months''.

But I never let her did it anyway, I was just too busy to try to find an escape.

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Right now, I just need one friend, sitting down and listening to my problem.

Can you be the one...doing it just once...for me?